Lost for words

I’ve just been simpsonized! you can be simpsonized too. You can  even order mug, T-shirt and caps with the new character of The  Simpsons!

here is a nice reason that one of my friends have just send me:

Question : ” What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?”

Answer: “tea please ”

Question : ” Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?”

Answer : “Ceylon tea ”

Question : “How would you like it ? Black or white ?”

Answer: “white”

Question: “Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ? ”

Answer: “With milk ”

Question: “Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk”

Answer: “With cow milk please.

Question: ” Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?”

Answer: ” Um, I’ll take it black. ”
Question: ” Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey? ”

Answer: “With sugar”

Question: ” Beet sugar or cane sugar ?”

Answer: “Cane sugar ”

Question:” White , brown or yellow sugar ?”

Answer: “Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.”

Question: “Mineral water or still water ? ”

Answer: “Mineral water”

Question: “Flavored or non-flavored ?”

Answer: “I’ll rather die of thirst!”

I’ve just receive this cool email from a friend of mine and I want to share it with you, so here is the 5 golden rules for men:

Five rules for men to follow to achieve a happier life:

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman whom you can trust and who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other!

One of my friends just send me this cool story, just see how wisely the trainee responses :
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee…..

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”
The voice from the other side responded: “You fool; you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“No” replied the trainee.
“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”
The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to,you IDIOT?”
“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.
“Thank God!” replied the trainee and put down the phone…

Lesson One:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit on my ass like you and do
nothing?”

The eagle answered, “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:=To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

Lesson Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my manure droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of manure and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was
actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) When you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut

Thanks to my friend Shaghayegh for her sharing.